I am a sinner.
Therefore I sin.
It is not my intention or desire to do so, and I make every effort not to sin.
However, when I sin, it is never more than what is already known about me:
I am a sinner.
What has been revealed to me is that there is mercy in greater proportions than my sin.
A preposterous truth has been shown to me:
I cannot outsin the mercy and grace of God
(though I may outsin His patience).
How sinfully sinful have I become?
I have completed a creation of my own, an abominable ‘scale’ for my own sin;
Excusing myself for my own shortcomings to the extent that I am immune to their gravity.
I have mistakenly learned to overlook the offensiveness of my sin; to compare my sins to those of others.
To self-justify and to wear the splendidly deceitful gown of self-righteousness.
Oh how glorious I look! A sinner in all his pomp.
I forget that I am not in a competition with others, that there is no contest, nor is there a measuring stick.
I forget that there will be no other on that day when I shall face Him.
It shall be me and me alone.
Responsible and accountable.
And yet:
I sin.
It hurts me. It hurts others. It hurts God.
My sin leaves scars.
My sin marks my conscience and wounds my soul.
I know all this.
And yet:
I sin.
For I am a sinner.
I am irreparably damaged.
Irreversibly broken.
If it depends upon my efforts that is...
Thankfully it does not..
There is love and mercy and grace and forgiveness in greater quantities than I can ever comprehend.
Yet my mind accepts it not:
I reflect on my inability to forgive others. How shamefully far I fall short.
How then could I possibly forgive myself?
I taunt and haunt my weary soul with my own accusations.
And yet:
That mercy and grace from God is beyond measure and erases all my wrongs.
It goes far beyond my damage and destruction, and makes me perfect, indeed.
I still fall short in myriad ways.
Shall this shackle me to sin?
Shall this enslave me?
NO!
NEVER.
I am expected by Him who has forgiven all things,
To go about as one who is forgiven all things.
I am expected to be a unique and beautiful creature of the Creator.
He now sees me as perfect in every way, for He has chosen to see me through a filter,
Himself and His Son.
It is a mystery of Their making - one I can scarcely embrace.
Yet let me not spare a moment to grasp it,
That free and perfect grace.
Now I am empowered, by the All Powerful.
Not from within, but from without.
By Him who creates, gives and takes all power as He sees fit.
From the Greatest King, the King of Kings, I receive His gift to me:
Myself.
Perfect. Radiant. Complete.
He expects me to be blindingly brilliant.
To shine.
To be filled with greatness and to do good.
To wholeheartedly take this one, perhaps last, chance and be all He wants me to be.
Were I to return to spend one moment in my past,
It would be naught but an insult to His gracious gift.
It would be, but to undo His Mystery,
That grace and mercy and forgiveness bought at an immeasurable price.
And so, I rest in deep, abiding comfort.
I sleep peacefully and with a new-found tranquility in my soul, for I now know,
I am a sinner.
A perfect sinner
Made complete in Him.